Why I wanted a boy

I've known my baby's genders well before the ultrasound. Call it whatever you want--luck, intuition, inspiration--but I knew my first was a boy and knew my second was a girl.

Right now, I feel 90% confident that baby number three is a girl. And to be honest, when I started getting the girl vibes, I was disappointed. At the risk of making me seem even more like a jerk, I was absolutely terrified of having a girl with my 2nd.  I remember doing several posts on my family blog about having a girl and my fears, mostly about silly things like doing a girl's hair.

                                        

 Why such a prejudice against girls? I finally figured it out.

This morning, as I was running in the moonlight, my mind was sorting through things I needed to do and things coming up. Thinking about having a baby is a reoccurring mental topic on my runs and as I was thinking about having a girl, I caught a glimpse of my shadow on the fence running along side me. I was struck by how good my shadow looked--this was the shadow of someone that looked healthy, strong, even cute with a ponytail bobbing up and down. I was impressed by my shadow, or more specifically, myself.

I know the vanity of that sentence, but I'm someone, with all my confidence, has a lot of insecurities. I don't often have such spontaneous positive thoughts about myself. It was in that moment that I thought about my girls turning out to be like me and I was surprised I was okay with that.

 All my fears about having girls are directly tied to my insecurities as a woman.

I have always found confidence in my abilities--my intelligence, my work ethic, my problem solving abilities, my sense of humor, my independence, my pragmatism, my physical strength. I feel like these are qualities that come naturally to men. I have never had a doubt that I could raise an intelligent, hard working, athletic son.

Where I feel I'm lacking are all feminine qualities: physical attractiveness, caring about physical attractiveness, being petite (not being man-sized), getting a long with other women, patience, being neat and tidy, enjoying crafts. The actual value of these qualities could be debated, but apparently I believe they have value enough to feel bad about myself. And if I feel bad about myself, how on earth could I feel good about my daughters who are bound to turn out exactly like me  (or so says my subconscious)?

This may be a revelation only to me, but it's been a significant one. I have often looked at my relationship with my son and compared it with my relationship with my daughter. I'm so much closer to my son. I used to credit that to the fact that I sacrificed more hours of sleep for my son who was a terrible sleeper and a much more needy child. But I now wonder if I have a different relationship with my daughter because she is a girl. I wonder if I've been distancing myself because I'm scared I will look at her and see myself--especially the bad. 

I think I understand now why women try to "fix" their daughters. Why they worry so much about their daughter's physical appearance and why they say mean things. Why they are more critical of their daughters. I think our poor daughters are the direct victims of our own insecurities.

I don't want that for my daughters. I don't want them to have the same insecurities as me. Above all else, I want my daughters to be confident and happy.

I am much more at peace with having two girls then I was yesterday. I still need research and think about how I'm going to get over my insecurities, or at the very least, hide them so well that it's not a problem for my daughters. Any ideas?

Now what to do if I'm wrong and it's a boy...
 

                                                         2 day old Annie

                                                         2 year old Annie

Pregnancy food - Dates

 

There is apparently some ancient wisdom that a pregnant woman should eat dates to have an easier labor and delivery. I'm always so skeptical of old-wives tale type recommendations; I was amused to see that this one might be true. This study, published in the Journal of Obstetrics, puts dates to the test. 69 women ate 6 dates a day for 4 weeks before their estimated due date. 45 women were the control and did not. They found: 

• The women who ate dates had a higher average cervical dialtion when they first entered the hospital (3.5 cm compared to 2.2 cm)
• A larger portion of date-eating women had their membranes intact upon coming into the hospital (83% compared to 60%).
• More women who ate dates went into labor spontaneously (96% compared to 79%)
• The use of Pitocin was lower with woman that ate dates (28 % compared to 47%)
• The average length of the first stage of labor was shorter for women that ate dates (shorter by 6.5 hours).

What is the mechanism?  Apparently dates have a compound that mimics oxytocin, which is the hormone that causes contractions.

I probably will be trying this in 5 months. Seems like an easy thing to do, especially because I like dates.

3 Months

Time to check in. This past month was so much better than the last. I'm no longer as fatigued and can get by with one nap a day. I still have bouts of nausea, but it's only when I haven't eaten anything. My depression symptoms also improved significantly.(Booyeah!)

I had my 12 week appointment the week of Halloween. It was the fastest appointment I've ever had. Ever. In and out in 20 minutes (including wait time, giving a urine sample, and paying my bill). The doctor didn't say anything to me (just asked if I was taking a prenatal vitamin)--either he was in a rush, or because I've done this a few times before he didn't feel the need to give me a pregnancy pep talk about what to do or avoid. I did get to see baby on the ultrasound. The nurse wasn't looking low enough and couldn't find the heart beat so she went to get the doctor to do the little portable ultrasound. It's on my record of having a later miscarriage, so the doctor was trying to ask me about bleeding and how pregnant I felt (nausea, fatigue) without scaring me. It's always reassuring to see the little heart beating.

I'm still trying to run 4 times a week. I can tell I'm losing my stamina a little...I had to walk several times the last time I did a 4 mile run. I have consistently been running 11:30 mile pace which seems to be my very comfortable, not working too hard pace.

What I was sure was baby movement a month ago turned out to be some pretty deceptive muscle spasms in the exact same spot over the course of a week. It went away so I'm forced to admit it wasn't baby movement. Now I think I am feeling little bubble sometimes, but not strong. I think it was around this time with Annie that I started noticing movement. 

Weight wise, I completely failed with my goal of only gaining 5 lbs the first trimester. I have consistently been gaining about a pound a week. I realized that if I keep this trend up the entire pregnancy, I will have gained 40 lbs, which is a huge improvement over 60 or 70 lbs. So I changed my goals (and my weight gain graph) from this:




 To this:



Call it cheating, but the second graph makes me feel a lot better. Ultimately, it's only 5 lbs more "total weight gained" which I can live with. I may surprise myself and not gain "the max". As of today, I've gained 12 lbs total at 14 weeks a long. My challenge will be to not gain more than a pound a week from here on out. Good thing there aren't some major food holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up.

 1 month (170 lbs) and 3 months (182). I guess I do have the beginnings of a baby bump.

Goals for the next month:

• Run M, W, F, S, Walk or do Zumba T, Th
• Complete goal of running 600 miles this year (80 miles to go)
• Get control of my appetite...figure out a plan for eating smaller, frequent meals
• Gain no more than a pound a week.
• Run Thanksgiving Race

Aerobic Awsomeness

Don't even try to be this awesome when you exercise. It simply can't be done.

Meal Ideas

One of the most common needs I hear among moms (and others) is just not knowing what to make. It's even more difficult if you're trying to make something that's both kid-friendly and healthy.


Our eating habits have been suffering lately as we've had a few really busy weeks. I resolved to focus on providing better meals for the next few weeks. This means I will consciously choosing healthier meals (ones with lots of vegetables) over less healthy meals (pigs in a blanket and frozen pizza). I shop for two weeks of food at a time, so here is my meal plan for the next two weeks.

Surely, some people will scoff at what I am calling healthy, but I think this is pretty realistic for our needs (kids, time, money) and is probably realistic for people in similar situations as us. Perhaps it can give you a few ideas if you are stuck.  I included links to the meals that  have recipes.


Chicken Meals

1. Chicken Noodle Soup

• Soups are great choices because they usually have lots of vegetables, are lower calorie and quite filling and satisfying.
• Bump up the nutrition: add more vegetables than the recipe calls for or than you usually add. 
• Be careful of recipes that have creams and cheese--these have much more fat and therefore calories. Chicken stock, beef stock, vegetable stock, or tomato based soups are a leaner choice.  

     
2. Chicken Stir Fry

• Emphasize the vegetables in this dish: stick with the kid friendly broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots, or be brave and try asparagus, snap peas, baby squash or zucchini, or peppers.
• I don't use a recipe for this, but some common ingredients I use for the sauce are fresh ginger, soy sauce, sesame seed oil, chicken broth, curry powder, garlic,   
• Bump up the nutrition: use fresh vegetables and don't overcook them (more likely to lose nutrients). You can always cheat and cook the vegetables in a vegetable steamer and add them to the meat after the meat is done. When serving yourself, don't load up on rice. Try doing a small portion or even no rice and then lots of vegetables and chicken. 

3. One Pot Chicken Rice Pilaf

• I don't have a recipe for this, but I just brown some rice and sautee some onions before adding raw chopped chicken, chopped carrots, peas, corn and then adding chicken broth as the liquid (twice as much broth as rice) and then cook for about 20 minutes. 
• Bump up the nutrition: The key to making this a healthy meal is adding lots of vegetables. Use canola or olive oil to saute the rice and onion over butter or margarine.

  

Beef Meals

4. Taco Salad

•  I usually insist we all eat the same meal, but this is one where I'll buy a pack of taco shells so the kids can eat tacos while the adults get a salad. The kids will get lettuce, peppers, and other vegetables on their plate too.
• Bump up the nutrition: favor greener lettuces over iceberg. Serve with black beans, kidney beans, fresh tomatoes, peppers, avocados. Go easy on cheese, sour cream, salad dressing for a leaner meal. Buy leaner ground beef. You can always cook ground beef then rinse the fat out of it to make it leaner.

5. Burgers

• Bump up the nutrition: use a very lean ground beef. I try to buy and will pay more for 93% lean. I feel like you get more meat out of it in the end anyway. Eat with whole wheat buns--we've found our brand of whole wheat buns we like and stick with that. Serve with sweet potato fries instead of regular fries. Make sure to serve with another vegetable like salad, fresh or cooked carrots, corn on the cob. For a more filling burger, put tomatoes, onions and lettuce on it. 

6. Beef Roast (Sunday Meal)

•  Slower cook beef roast with potatoes, carrots, onions. 
• Bump up the nutrition: I prefer to use beef over pork roast because it's leaner (and tastes better to me). Always trim the fat for an even leaner cut of meat. I need to try to adding some other vegetables to mix so I can go easy on the potatoes. I might try adding some squash part way through the cooking process this time.

Meatless

7. Fajita Quesadillas

• This is one of my favorite meals ever because it's so simple, but oh so tasty. I usually saute some peppers and onions with a little pepper and cumin. I cook until the peppers start to turn black to really bring out the flavor. I love to use just a little bit of pepper jack cheese to hold it all together. The kids get regular quesadillas with fresh peppers on the side.Great time to make some fresh guacamole or salsa to go with it.
• Bump up the nutrition: try whole wheat tortillas. I actually like the flavor and texture better of whole wheat tortillas in this instance. 

8. Spaghetti 

• This meal is one of our convenient, inexpensive, kid-favorite meals. Don't count it out as being a healthy option. For one half cup of the Prego sauce that's in our pantry right now, it provides 3 grams of fiber, 10% vitamin A, 2% vitamin C, 2% calcium, and 4% iron. A cup of run of the mill cooked spaghetti has 2 grams of fiber plus lots of B vitamins and iron because it's been enriched.
• I will serve this meatless to save money and time and my kids seem to prefer it meatless. I find with a really yummy sauce, you don't miss the meat. We usually have Parmesan cheese on top. 
• Bump up the nutrition: be brave and try a whole wheat pasta. Serve with a side of salad but skip the garlic bread or bread sticks.

9. Grilled cheese sandwiches

•  Were still real people even when we are trying to eat healthier. Grilled cheese is our go to Friday or Saturday meal because nobody likes cleaning up from a big meal on the weekend.
• Bump up the nutrition: Make with a whole wheat bread--this is a must. Use less cheese than you're tempted to do. Try grilling without putting butter on the bread--see if cooking spray on the pan will work just fine instead. Never serve your children a grilled cheese sandwich by itself--always give them some fruit or vegetable such apple slices or baby carrots. 

10. Red beans and rice

• I am perpetually looking for beans and rice recipes that I like. I always like any beans and rice recipes I make, but I still am looking for "the one". This week, I'll try this recipe.
• Beans and rice are a great option for families because beans are kid friendly and very cheap. 
• Bump up the nutrition: don't hesitate to add more vegetables than any recipe calls for. Give brown rice a try. 

Other Meat Meals

11. Fried Rice with ham

• You might be thinking, "fried rice isn't healthy". Often it isn't. I prepare it a little different so I consider it healthy and my kids love it. First, go easy on the oil--you don't need as much as any recipe says. If you can get the rice to not stick to the pan, you probably don't really need it at all. Second, I don't put a lot of ham in it, just enough to contribute to the flavor. Third, I load it up with steamed broccoli, carrots and peas. For every bite, there are equal or more vegetables than there is rice. 
• Bump up the nutrition: Make it all about the vegetables. I currently use a little packet (sun bird brand) to season our friend rice. It's very high in sodium. I need to find a healthier recipe that we like for the seasoning.  

12. Chili

• This is under "other meat" because I love to cook chili with either ground turkey or ground turkey sausage. It's leaner than beef and I like the softer texture in chili. 
• I love to serve Chili with sides of butternut squash and cornbread. It's perfect for a cold day. 
• Bump up the nutrition: try a leaner meat or meatless chili. Add peppers, onions, and tomatoes for more vegetables. Remember than beans, like other vegetables,are a good source of protein, fiber, and other nutrients, but don't confuse them with other vegetables as being low calorie. ex: 1/2 cup of black beans is 110 calories, 1/2 cup of carrots is about 25 calories. There's more calories in your cup of chili than you are probably imagining.

13. Salmon (Sunday Meal)

• We rarely eat fish and I'm determined to get it into our regular rotation. Even once a month would be way more fish than we've ever had before. I am most familiar with cooking salmon and usually bake it with pesto on top or marinate and grill it. Will likely serve with a side of rice and cooked vegetables. 
• Bump up the nutrition: when cooking fish, try the healthier cooking methods of baking, poaching, or grilling over frying in oil. If your meal is looking skimpy, serve with two vegetables. 

14. Pizza

• Bump up the nutrition: Make it yourself so you can control what you're eating better. Making it at home means that you can customize toppings easily. I can get my mushrooms and olives without putting anyone out. Swap in some whole wheat flour when making the dough--you won't believe how much more filling this makes the pizza. This is the recipe I've used the last few times for dough, but I'm still looking for my go-to dough recipe.  Use turkey pepperoni--tastes just as good and will save you a significant amount of calories. Use part skim mozzarella instead of whole milk mozzarella. I think most cheese at a grocery store, especially the shredded, is part skim. Load up on vegetables. Consider serving with a salad to help with eating too many slices.