In the News: Letters for Obese Children on Halloween

There is a woman in South Dakota that plans on giving letters, instead of Candy, to children she deems obese. In the letter she says "you child is, in  my opinion, moderately obese and should not be consuming sugar and treats to the extent of some children this Halloween season. My hope is that you will step up as a parent and ration candy this Halloween and not continue these unhealthy eating habits." You can see the article HERE.

I imagine almost everyone's reaction to this woman is something on the lines of, in the spirit of Halloween, "what a mean witch". At the very least, something feels very wrong about her doing this.

First of all, this doesn't even have to be about obesity to feel wrong. I had no idea, before becoming a parent, of the full contact sport of "perfect parenting". I imagine the sport has gained strength and popularity with the advent of social media, non-stop news stories, and especially blogs.  We are all now so very aware of all the ways to parent and the very strong opinions behind them.

"Perfect parenting" is what creates the contention between people with different parenting styles..."oh, you cry it out? I would never let my baby just cry". It's what makes someone give a snarky comment at the check out line, or scathing blog post against moms that take time to exercise, or why the news picks up stories of a mom that's doing something unique like facebook shaming their child. For some reason, people have taken "it takes a village to raise a child" and turned it into, your parenting is up for public discussion and I can tell you what you're doing wrong. 

This woman could have handed out letters to mom's like me who's kids hair is a mess and have food on their face at the store, or she could stand outside a daycare and hand letters there, or she could stand by the formula at the store and hand out letters. None of these would be appropriate either. We have too much arrogance of parents and non-parents that think they know best. What we need more of is cooperation and kindness and overall less comparing.

Childhood obesity is such a complicated and sensitive problem. First let's consider what good could come from her letters. I'm not sure if she is deluded enough to think that a mom or dad will read the letter and think "Holy Cow, she's right. My child is obese. I'm going to takes steps right now and fix this." It my experience that as humans, we don't respond to negative messages very well. We tend to get defensive and maybe even rebel. I kind of think this woman is more interesting in passing judgement and delivering a blow than actually helping the obesity problem. She could have just handed out bouncy balls instead of candy if she really wanted to be helpful.

What harm can come from a letter like this? What harm would come if a parent actually kept their child from trick or treating? Depending on the age, and arguably kids at all ages, the issue of weight needs to be handled very carefully. Kids are kids and weight and body image are what I would call an adult issue. You would never want your child to mistakenly get the message "there is something wrong with me", "food is bad"or "my worth is tied to my weight". I realize people could disagree with just how open you are with your child about their weight, but I think you can successfully help your child without singling them out or even having to ever talk about their weight.

The best way to help an obese child is to make changes as a family. Because the changes that will help your child struggling with weight, will be beneficial to the entire family. Make it positive "we're going to get healthy because it will make us feel good!" Here are some areas you might want to focus on:

•  Limit junk food brought into the house. Save them for special occasions, like Halloween.
• Provide healthier meals--more vegetables, less prepackaged foods.
• Limit meals eaten out. 
• Watch snacking. Consider limiting or excluding snacks all together, or only allowing fruits and vegetables as snacks.  
• Sit down together to eat dinner as a family. 
• Limit screen time (for everyone). 
• Send your kids outside to play. 
• Put them in a sport or dance class they would enjoy. Try different sports or activities until they find one they like and support them in this.
• Go for walks, hikes, bike rides as a family.  Go to the park as a family.
• Have your children walk to school, when possible.
• Buy toys that encourage movement over toys that encourage being sedentary (basketball hoop, bicycle, scooter vs video games)
• Make sure your child is getting enough sleep.
• Be a good example. 

You might find after all you have done, your child is still struggling with overeating. There is likely something else going on and it would be helpful to consult a doctor or even a child therapist to help figure out what deeper emotional issues need to be addressed. A therapist would be able to help them identify what they are feeling and come up with a positive way to cope.

Of course we all have areas for improvement, but I think most of us take steps to promote our own and our children's health. You wouldn't be reading a blog like this if it wasn't on your mind. Have a Happy Halloween and make sure your kids can be kids and have lots of fun!

"There's no way to be a perfect parent. But there are a million ways to be a good one."